A Picture's Worth A Thousand Words
by DragonRider8
Summary: Jack discovers something of Kate's that gives him greater insight into the life of the mysterious brunette. JATE. Rating to be safe. CHAPTER SIX UP.
1. The Sketch Pad

**Disclaimer**: _Lost is not mine…however, I am planning on stealing it sometime in the near future (shhh, don't tell anyone!)_

**A/N**: _I sat down to do my history assignment on the Incas, and would you believe that I ended up with this instead? I don't think that Mrs O'Brian will be too impressed!_

**Another A/N**: _This story is set during the time during Season Two, where Jack was ignoring Kate. And let's just say that Ana Lucia dropped off the face of the earth. She's mentioned, but she isn't actually included in the story._

**A Picture's Worth A Thousand Words**

**CHAPTER ONE:**

**The Sketch Pad**

It was sunrise, and Kate was sitting under a tree on the beach with nothing more than a bottle of water, a pencil and her favourite sketch pad to keep her company. She was lucky enough to have found her bag on the second day on the island, which only held a few clothes, some drawing materials and her sketch pad.

The pad was A4 size and had thick pages. It wasn't fancy, but it was special to Kate. She had owned it since she was fifteen, and it wasn't just filled with sketches, it held memories and notes on how she felt and what she thought. She treated this pad like a diary. It was private and every few pages would have something written, like a journal entry.

Everyday since she found her bag with the pad undamaged (by some miracle) she had spent her sunrises and sunsets at this special beach sketching things she saw during the day. Her Dad had believed that she had a photographic memory, as she only had to picture something or someone in her mind that she may have seen as long as a year ago and she would be able to draw it perfectly with every last detail filled in.

Where she sat as she drew was just as special to her as the pad was, and only one other person knew where it was. But she doubted that this place was as special to her as it was to him, as he didn't seem to want to have anything to do with her anymore. If you haven't guessed by now, Kate was sitting at the same beach where she had first met Jack and had stitched up his back.

No one had bothered her there before the survivors had to move further down the beach because of the rising tide, and now she had even less chance of being interrupted.

She closed her eyes and remembered what she had seen the previous night.

The last thing that she had seen before she had gone into her tent to sleep was Sun and Jin together. Jin had come up behind his wife and placed a gentle kiss on her shoulder, while his arms were wrapped around her waist, softly caressing her abdomen where the new life they had created lay sheltered from the world. Kate could picture every detail clearly. Everything from the small smile playing at Sun's lips, to the soft glow emitted by the fire they were standing behind.

About half an hour later, Kate had carefully filled in every detail of the scene in her mind, and had started shading in the shadows where the light from the fire couldn't reach.

"Kate? Kate?"

The voice came from the dense jungle behind her and Kate realised that she had stayed out longer than she had intended.

She didn't want anyone to find her spot, and as she also didn't want to be caught with the sketch book, not wanting curious eyes to see it. So she left the book on the rock were she was sitting, shoved the pencils in her pocket, not noticing that she had dropped one, and took off into the jungle yelling, "I'm over here!" to Sun, who wanted her help with something.

Jack had spent all morning being the 'Heroic Doctor' and he finally had nothing to do. So he decided to do what he always did whenever he had a break.

But then he realised that he couldn't.

He used to find Kate and talk to her, which he loved doing, but he was still mad at her. He wasn't really, he just let her think that. It was killing him, but he wanted to show her that she couldn't mess with him and then get away with it, like she did with the Marshal's case. It didn't seem to be tearing her up to badly though.

'She seems fine with _Sawyer'_, he thought bitterly.

Jack then realised that if he couldn't talk to Kate, he could do the next best thing.

So he went to the small but beautiful beach where he first laid eyes on the gorgeous, yet deceitful, Kate.

By the time he got there it was about midday, and he really hoped that there would be no disasters so he could have some peace and quiet.

As he sat down, something caught his eye.

It was a fairly large black book just sitting on the ground and a lead pencil was half buried in the sand beside it. Jack picked them both up and looked at the initials written in whiteout on the bottom right hand corner of the front cover of the book.

_**K.A.**_

Jack then opened the front cover of the book and saw the messy, black handwriting of a teenage boy on the inside cover:

_Dear Katie,_

_I know that these past few weeks have been really hard for you after what happened to Beth. It's been hard for all of us, but you were closer to her that anyone else was and I'm really worried about you. Anyway, I know how much you love drawing, but you haven't done a single sketch or painting since the accident. Yes, I know that Beth was the one to teach you how to draw and that she was the one who went to art classes with you every week, but do you really think that she'd want you to give up something you love just because she's gone? It's not just the drawing either. Since Beth died you haven't ridden your horse, climbed a tree or gone to your karate lessons. You don't talk to anyone, you hardly touch your food and I can't remember the last time you laughed, or even smiled. Please Katie, I just lost my cousin, I don't want to lose my girlfriend too._

_So I got this for you. It's kind of like a cross between a journal and a sketch pad. I don't know why you feel like you can't talk to me, but I'm not going to push you. You'll tell me when you're ready. But until then I thought that you'd be able to write about your thoughts and feelings. I know you probably won't, but you will draw in it. You say that you'll never draw again, but I know you will. You love it to much._

_So Happy Fifteenth Birthday!_

_Sorry it was a few weeks late, but you kinda slept through your birthday._

_Don't let this ruin it for you Katie, like I said, Beth wouldn't want you moping over her._

_With all my love,_

_Tom_

The message was dated the 4th of June, 1992.

Jack was in shock. That letter was extremely revealing. Jack had learnt a lot. The sketch pad belonged to Kate who had lost her best friend just before her fifteenth birthday in an accident that had put her in a coma.

On the first page, opposite the letter, there was a portrait of a pretty teenage girl done in lead pencil. The girl had her long, straight, fair hair in a plait that was draped over her right shoulder. She was wearing a baseball cap and smiling, showing off her cute dimples.

Down the bottom, the caption read:

_Dedicated to My Best Friend_

_Elizabeth 'Beth' Brennan_

_1977-1992_

It was then that it hit him.

Kate had drawn that picture.

It was so perfect he had almost mistaken it for a black and white photo that had been enlarged and stuck in.

The lighting and shading were perfect and the detail was exquisite.

Jack went to turn the page, but then he realised.

This wasn't just a sketch pad.

It was a _journal_.

_Kate's_ journal.

She already didn't trust him, she'd made that clear, but if she found out that he'd looked at something of hers that's meant to be private, then their already shaky friendship would be down the toilet.

So he made a move to close the book, but then he thought;

Kate doesn't need to know.

He'd only have a quick look anyway.

So he turned the page…

…**TBC…**

_For those of you have read my other story, Old Memories, I have not given up on it. I just have a serious case of writer's block concerning it. I will eventually get up off my lazy ass and figure out where it goes._

_By the way, I will only continue if I get at least 10 reviews!_


	2. Kate's Childhood

**Disclaimer:** _Yes! I'm the genius behind Lost! I also invented the iPod and microwave popcorn! (Incase you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic)_

**A/N: **_10 reviews later we have the next chapter as promised. This story is going to start off slow I'm afraid, but things should get a lot more interesting after about the sixth chapter (there should be nine chapters in all, my ten if I decide to do an epilogue). I do apologise for the slow start, but this story is about Jack understanding more about Kate, and to do that we have a fair bit of back-story to go though. A lot of this is what we all know from the show, but a fair bit of this is 100 original. I hope that you all enjoy it._

** LostinNOLA**: At first it'll be more journal entries than art, but when we catch up to time on the island I have some great ideas for drawings that will tell Jack more than words ever could, but you'll have to wait and see!

** X-Kate-X**: Thankfully I got that assignment done and I'm very happy to know that you were impressed!

** hersheygal**: Excellent idea! I might just use that!

**CHAPTER TWO:**

**Kate's Childhood**

_**Previously on LOST…**_

_So he made a move to close the book, but then he thought;_

_Kate doesn't need to know._

_He'd only have a quick look anyway._

_So he turned the page…_

LOST 

Jack spent the next half hour looking through the sketch pad. He'd come across portraits of friends and family members and landscapes of the area Kate had grown up in.

He turned over a page and was faced with a portrait of, who he thought, was a much younger Kate, but the caption read:

_Elizabeth 'Elsie' Jansen_

_My Little Sister_

_1983-1989_

And on the page opposite this, was the first journal entry Jack had seen that was more than three sentences. It read:

_Isn't it funny how two of the most important people in my life shared the same name? Beth and Elsie, my best friend and my half sister, both were named Elizabeth. I gave them those nicknames, as in my opinion, the only name worse than 'Katherine' is Elizabeth! I cannot believe Ma sometimes! Annabel, Katherine and Elizabeth. Honestly, can you get names that are any more boring? It's no wonder that Daddy gave me and Bella the nicknames 'Katie' and…well, 'Bella'. Anyway, it's the 24th of May today. This time last year I was in a coma after the accident that killed Beth, and if you go back even further, it's the same day in 1989 that my little Elsie was murdered in front of me. I just hope that no one reads this and finds out. I'm one of only two people who know that Elsie didn't simply 'fall' down the stairs and break her neck. The other person is the one who pushed her down the stairs in the first place. I know what you're thinking. 'Wouldn't it be a good thing for Elsie's murderer to be put behind bars?' it would be, but who would believe me? Ma would call me a liar and yell at me for making up stories that would cause him trouble. Besides, he threatened to kill Ma if I ever said anything. My first though was: 'Surely he wouldn't kill his own wife?' but then I remembered that he had just killed his six year old daughter, so I kept my mouth shut. I'd better go, I promised Mr O'Connell that I'd teach him how to break in a young colt today. By the way, as usual, Tom was the only one who remembered that it was my 16th birthday today. If Beth were here she'd encourage me to throw a huge sweet sixteenth party, but it wouldn't be the same without her._

Jack was speechless. Her stepfather murdered her sister and threatened to kill her mother if she ever said anything. And this would have been on her twelfth birthday! He had just been given a whole new perspective on the mystery that is Kate.

He kept flicking through the book with mixed feelings.

He came across small entries alongside pictures that read things like:

_I've taken up a job at a ranch on the other side of town. I'm teaching people how to break in horses. It pays pretty well. Maybe in a few years I'll have enough to get the hell outta here and go to a good college someday._

And:

_Tom's really sweet. One of the reasons I love him so much. He took me on a picnic today. But then he saw the bruise on my arm that I'd been covering up for a while. I made up some story. He didn't say anything, but I don't think that he believed me. I've really gotta think of a better way to cover up the cuts and bruises. I've also gotta think of better excuses. I think 'I fell out of a tree' is getting a bit old._

Jack frowned at the second one. It seemed that Kate had always had a thing for lying. But then he wondered.

How _did_ she get all of those cuts and bruises?

Deep down Jack knew the answer, but he just didn't want to accept the truth.

LOST 

There were lots of drawings of her boyfriend Tom. At karate classes, riding horses, climbing trees, in school. Jack realised that that was because she was always with him, and that she drew what she saw. A few times she drew herself, but never her own face. Her head was always turned away and you could only see her hair and the back of her head. It was impossible to mistake the dark curls that were often in a messy ponytail or braid.

It wasn't long after her 16th birthday that Jack came across an entry that really worried him.

_It's truly sad when you can't even admit things to your own journal. Tom hates that I don't trust him, but I do trust him. I don't lie to him and refuse to tell him the truth because I don't trust him. It's just that saying it out loud (or in this case, writing it down) is like I'm admitting that it's real. Yes, I know, I'm in denial. I tried to tell Tom the truth the other day, but I got all choked up and couldn't get the words out. God I'm such a coward. So even though I can't talk (or write) about what he has done to me, or even about what I do to myself, I'm going to have a crack at this 'emotional' stuff, for Tom's sake, if not my own sanity (that is, if I haven't already lost it)._

_So here it is, plain and simple:_

_I hate myself._

_There, I said it (ok, ok, wrote it, whatever)._

'_Why?' you ask. I'll tell you._

_I hate myself because it's my fault that Elsie's dead. Because it's my fault Wayne beats Ma. Because it's my fault Bella ran a way. Because it's my fault Beth's dead._

_Wayne should have pushed me down those stairs. I should be the one that Wayne hits, not Ma. If I hadn't said those things to Bella, she wouldn't have left. And I was the one who suggested that we should all (that it, Tom, Beth and myself) have gone to that rock concert. I can't believe that I didn't notice that Beth was drunk, you'd think that I'd of all people notice the signs. I do have some experience living with an alcoholic after all. She was the only one of us that could drive so I should have called us a taxi._

_I've wanted to get all of that off of my chest since I was twelve years old, but all of the guilt just keeps piling up._

_I just don't know what to do._

_I'm scared that if I tell Tom he'll leave, just like Bella did._

_But if I don't tell him, he might get fed up with the secrets._

_I need help._

_But who would help me?_

This was another one that Jack had to re-read before it fully sank in.

…_about what he has done to me…_

Once again, Jack was too scared to find out what exactly he did to her.

…_I hate myself…_

…_what I do to myself…_

But it was those two lines that scared him the most.

LOST 

_A huge thank you to everyone who reviewed, you guys are the best and the reason I do this:_

** XxLive-Alone-Die-TogetherxX**

** Pontmercy**

** Flips**

** XxSophiexX**

** mikachoo**

** Ella Jullian**

** Shellie4**

** X-Kate-X**

** hersheygal**

** LostinNOLA**

**Let's try for 15 reviews this time!**


	3. Entry Into Adulthood

**Disclaimer**: _Of course I own Lost! Hey, why are you dialing the number for the local mental institution?_

**A/N:**_ The first half of this story will mostly be describing the journal entries. Once we catch up to the crash there will be less written entries and I will add detailed descriptions of the drawings Kate has done._

**CHAPTER THREE:**

**Entry Into Adulthood**

_**Previously on LOST…**_

_Once again, Jack was too scared to find out what exactly he did to her._

'…_I hate myself…'_

'…_or even about what I do to myself…'_

_But it was those two lines that scared him the most._

LOST 

Jack was almost too scared to continue reading, but he continued anyway.

The next few years were pretty average, but every now and then there was a line like:

…_I don't think that I can take much more of this…_

Or:

…_I know that if I keep it that one day I will probably crack and hurt someone, but I can only trust one person, and I'm still not sure that he could handle all of that extra baggage. I don't wanna be a burden to the one person I love more than anything else. And I don't want him to hate me for it…_

Not long after Kate turned eighteen, Jack found an entry that was written extremely messily and in large letters, as if Kate had been both in a hurry and excited.

_I'M GETTING MARRIED! I'M GETTING MARRIED! TOM PROPOSED! OH MY GOD! TOM FINALLY PROPOSED! I NEVER ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT HE WAS SERIOUS ABOUT US GETTING MARRIED AND SETTLING DOWN BUT HE PROPOSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_I have to wait until he's finished college and got a job, but it's official! I have the ring and it's GORGEOUS! I don't care if I had to wait eternity for him, just as long as it happens! I feel so happy, it's like my heart's about to explode! I know that sounds so cheesy but I DON'T CARE! Tom leaves tomorrow and I'm sad about that, but the sooner he leaves, the sooner he becomes a doctor and the sooner we can get married and have nine kids! The sooner he comes back for me, the sooner I can get the hell outta here and actually live my life the way I want to live it! The sooner I actually get to live my own life! _

_Things are finally going my way!_

On the opposite page there was a very simple, yet detailed drawing of a woman's dainty left hand being held by a man's left hand, while the man's other hand slid a diamond ring on the woman's ring finger. It didn't take a genius to figure out whose hands they were.

Jack felt a strange emotion deep down inside after reading the entry and looking at the picture. It wasn't jealousy, he knew what jealousy felt like because that's what he felt whenever he saw Kate with Sawyer. He then realised that it was a combination of extreme sadness and growing dread. He knew that this relationship wasn't going to end well and he felt bad for Kate.

LOST 

The next several pages were very different from the rest. There was just occasional doodlings of things like doves, church bells, wedding dresses and love hearts. There were also things like:

_Must remember to book the hall…_

Or:

_Going into the city to look at bridesmaid dresses tomorrow…_

It was almost like she was so happy that her brain had turned to mush.

After about six months, things started to get normal again. She'd talk about getting a job at the local pony club, teaching kids how to ride. Jack smiled to himself as he read Kate's description of a dressage tournament, and how one particular young girl that Kate had become rather attached to had won all of her events.

When Kate was 20 he found an entry which read:

_I heard from Bella today for the first time in about four or five years. She called me today sounding really upset and refused to tell me what was wrong. She gave me her address and I'm going over there tomorrow to see her. I hope she's all right._

Jack turned the page, curious to see what all of that was about. He got a shock when he saw…

LOST 

** AnnPatrick: **It is VERY likely that that will happen ;)

** LostinNOLA:** Thanks heaps and, yes, I can assure you that it WILL be a VERY interesting conversation!

** kikka46: **Thanks, but I'm afraid that it will be either chapter eight or nine before that happens. Sorry!

** yellosh: **lol! It _is_ kinda like the Holy Grail, isn't it? Oh, I am going to confirm that either the second last or the last chapter will be titled 'Busted,' so that should take care of your 'if.' As to how she will react and how she feels about it… well, you're going to have to wait to find out!

** XxLive-Alone-Die-TogetherxX: **I'll let you in on a secret; that _is_ what she did to herself. But Jack's kind of in denial and finds it hard to believe that the strong Kate he knows would do something like that, so he refuses to believe it.

** X-Kate-X: **Thank you so much! I really am flattered! I can't believe that someone described my story as brilliant! You've made my day! As for all of the questions, some will be left for the reader's imagination to fill in and others will (possibly) be left for a sequel or a companion piece (maybe).

_Also, thanks to:_

** Ella Jullian**

** ScrewyLouie12**

** Flips**

** Carolini**

** Hero Lilly**

** g3i0a4**

** hersheygal**

** Megs-3**

** NYR88**

** mikachoo**

_Their support has been much appreciated!_

**As for the cliffhanger, yes, I know I'm evil! (Runs and hides from the tomatoes that are being thrown)**

**The next chapter should be up after New Years**


	4. Austen's Lost Years

**Disclaimer**: _I have to tell you guys this quickly before they discover that I've escaped from my white, padded cell: Yes, I do own Lost! _

**Sorry I posted this later than I said I would be able to, but just after New Year my parents sprung a trip to Sydney on us and I didn't have time to get this up.**

**Once again, Thanks to all who reviewed!**

**CHAPTER FOUR:**

**Austen's Lost Years**

_**Previously on LOST…**_

_When Kate was 20 he found an entry which read:_

'_I heard from Bella today for the first time in about four or five years. She called me today sounding really upset and refused to tell me what was wrong. She gave me her address and I'm going over there tomorrow to see her. I hope she's all right.'_

_Jack turned the page, curious to see what all of that was about. He got a shock when he saw…_

LOST

…That several pages had been torn out! All that was left of about ten or fifteen pages were the jagged edges of the remains of the pages that had been torn out close to the spine. There were also a few pages after this that had been scribbled over so many times that it was impossible to see what had originally been written or drawn there.

Confused, Jack turned over yet another page of scribbles and finally found a page with writing on it.

_June 18th 2001…_

Jack frowned when he saw the date. It was four years since her last entry (that hadn't been scribbled out).

What had happened in those three years that had caused her to destroy the records of that time?

Jack was really confused, so he decided to read on…

LOST

**Sorry that was so short! I just need a chapter to fill the gap between the previous chapter and the upcoming chapter. **

**To show you guys that I'm not as cruel as I may appear, I'll give you guys a teaser:**

-Jack discovers just what a life on the run involves

-Was Kate naturally suited for life on the run, or did she have to adapt?

-Why did she really do it, and did she regret it?

**And if I can get around to it in that particular chapter:**

-What's Kate doing with Sun?

But I'm afraid that I'm having more trouble with this next chapter then I thought I would, so it might be a little while I'm afraid, on the upside, you have a long chapter to look forward to! 


	5. On The Run

**A/N1:** I know that it seems unrealistic that Kate could keep a journal without the Marshal finding out, but it's my story, so I say that Kate can get away with it!

**A/N2:** Kevin is not involved in this story because 'Every Man For Himself' only aired in Australia last Thursday, so I don't know the whole story surrounding him and would hate to stuff it up.

**A/N3:** Whenever I have writers block (like I did with this chapter) I tend to write a little oneshot to give myself a break from the story I'm having trouble with. Anyway, I wrote a story called 'Angel,' and I was really insecure about it and almost didn't post it because I thought it was so different from what I normally write, that no one would like. Apparently only one person liked it (God bless you **Hershey Girl**!) because she was the only one who reviewed, and that really wasn't that good for my self esteem. _Please_ check it out for me! It's a Lost story about a five year old Aaron and a different side of Kate.

**CHAPTER FIVE:**

On The Run 

_**Previously on LOST…**_

_Jack frowned when he saw the date. It was four years since her last entry (that hadn't been scribbled out)._

_What had happened in those three years that had caused her to destroy the records of that time?_

_Jack was really confused, so he decided to read on…_

LOST

_June 18th, 2001,_

_Well, I finally did it. I just cracked and couldn't handle it anymore. But nothing went according to plan and now my own mother has betrayed me to the cops. But as much as it hurts, it doesn't really matter because I knew that I had nothing to lose when I decided to do it. I've lost everything and everyone that I ever loved. So what's the point? Anyway, some Marshal named Edward Mars caught up to me less then 24 hours after I killed him. On the ride back to the police station he said that the way I executed my crime had 'amateur written all over it.' Can you believe that for a second I felt offended? I know that I've just committed a crime that will probably land me in jail for a very long time, but that doesn't mean I'm a criminal! I mean, before all of this the only thing I've ever done that could be classified as 'criminal' was when I broke into that cosmetics factory and released all of the animals that they had been testing on. But seeing as the animal testing was illegal in the first place, and I was only 14, I managed to get away with it. Or maybe I'm just kidding myself. Maybe it's about time I started getting used to this whole 'fugitive' thing. Oh, I guess you're wondering how I'm writing in this if I got caught. Well, long story short, the Marshal crashed the car and got himself knocked out, so I pushed him out and drove off._

_You know, if I had gone quietly and told the court the truth about why I did it, I probably would have gotten off with just a few years, maybe not even that. But I don't see the point. I'd go through endless months in the slammer with no one to visit me and nothing to look forward to when I would get out._

_I talked to my Dad…_

This bit confused Jack because the words 'my Dad' had had lines drawn through them, as if they were a mistake, and the name 'Sam' had been written above it instead.

…Sam and now I wish that I never knew the truth. Ignorance is bliss. I went there wanting to find out why he had lied to me for my entire life, and now I know why. Because he knew that the truth would break me. That it would be the last straw, that it would cause me to crack. And he was right.

_I believed him at first, but I'm not so sure anymore. Maybe if he had told me I wouldn't have acted so rashly. I would have had time to think it over it, and if Sam had been there for me as my dad, then I might have found it easier to accept the fact that he isn't my father._

I guess I just have to get used to the fact that I'm going to be alone and on the run for the rest of my life.

Jack really didn't know what to think at this point.

LOST

After the torn out pages there were no more drawings, it was like she didn't have the time or the motivation to draw anymore. But there were plenty of entries.

_July 21st 2001,_

_Damn it! I just can't help myself can I? I was just settling down in Denver, when I had to stick my nose in where it didn't belong and get myself recognised! The local elementary school had some faulty wiring and it caught fire. I was only living a block away, so I went to see what all of the commotion was about and the school had been evacuated, but a little girl had been trapped inside and, as usual, I reacted without thinking and went in to get her. The girl, Emma I think, was fine, but there were news cameras everywhere and I was all over TV and on the front page of every newspaper in Colorado. So once again, I had to do a runner. I think I might hide out somewhere for a while before I figure out where to go next. Maybe I'll have better luck next time._

_July 27th 2001,_

_Met a guy who recognised me, but offered to teach me how to change the number plates on cars and make fake ID's. His name's Peter and he seems really nice, offered me free board and food! He's good looking too, even though blondes really don't do it for me. I like my men tall dark and handsome._

_August 23rd 2001,_

_Son of a bitch turned me in! Luckily the cop that came to get me didn't have a clue and it took a total of 7.3 minutes for me to escape! At least I've learnt a lot from Peter. This past month of his tutoring, on top of Dad's army skills, are really going to help me get through this. Oh, and I hope Peter's happy with his reward. Not sure it'll cover his car though! ;)_

There were pages and pages of entries just like those. Kate would try to settle down somewhere, and either someone would recognise her, or a friend she made would betray her.

'Guess this fugitive thing is harder then she makes it seem,' Jack thought.

_February 3rd 2002,_

_Bloody hell, you'd think that a girl would learn, wouldn't you?!?! I did it again, god I'm stupid! I went to such extreme lengths this time too! I cut my hair, got a fake tan, taught myself Spanish to the point of fluency and became 'Maria Diablo,' the daughter of a rich property developer in Madrid who stole some of her fathers money and ran away to America to avoid an arranged marriage with a man she'd never met. AND HE STILL FOUND ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_This running thing's really getting old._

_Okay, so what have I learned so far?_

_Number 1: DON'T GET INVOLVED (I'll get recognised)_

_Number 2: KEEP THE LIES SIMPLE (Or I'll forget my 'name' before I've finished explaining where I'm from)_

_Number 3: KEEP MY STUPID MOUTH SHUT (I tend to blurt things out that make people suspicious. I probably shouldn't say anything at all)_

_Number 4: DON'T USE MY REAL NAME (Obviously not a smart move, so why do I keep introducing myself as 'Kate'?)_

_Number 5: STAY AWAY FROM ALCOHOL (I tend to yell my entire life story after half a beer)_

_And most importantly…_

_Number 6: DON'T TRUST **ANYONE**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

'Wow,' Jack thought, 'Kate was really bad at this at first!'

LOST

By April of 2002, Kate had gotten the hang of it. She had developed a routine of never staying in the same place for longer than a few weeks. She stopped planning where she was going and just got into her car and drove whichever way she felt would take as far away from the Marshal as possible. She'd drive until she ran out of petrol, or got to the point where she was about to faint from either exhaustion or starvation. Whichever of the three came first. She'd been caught by the Marshal a few times, but had always been able to escape.

There were less and less journal entries now, the dates farther apart. But there were drawings again. Extremely detailed drawings of landscapes she had driven past, or busy city streets she had been walking through. There where hardly anymore drawings of people anymore. Only faces without names that she had seen while on the run.

Jack understood that there were fewer entries because she had less to write about. All she did was drive and occasionally get a job here or there.

He came across a page that had small smudges all over it, which confused him.

_April 29th 2002,_

_Somehow Dad managed to track me down and he sent a letter to a secure address. I picked it up today and I really wish that I hadn't. Ma has cancer. She has a few years, and that's an extremely optimistic guess. I have to go visit her, she needs to know that I'm sorry. Oh god, I'm so sorry. I just need to see her._

Tears. The smudges were from tears. She was crying as she wrote this.

Jack was really starting to understand the conundrum known as 'Kate Austen,' she'd been betrayed and abandoned so many times that she lost faith in people, and she'd trusted so many people who had thrown it back in her face that she'd lost faith in herself.

_April 30th 2002,_

_I've figured out how I could get into see her. Tom's a doctor at the hospital she's in, surely he could help me. God, it'll be painful to see him, but I need to see Ma._

I can't believe that I even considered Tom as an option. We haven't seen each other in about four years, not since… not since he left. Anyway, that's not important. It's just… after what he did, what happened between us, I never thought I'd be able to forgive him but… I think I still love him. I've been thinking about him a lot and wishing that he was here. I think a part of me will always love Tom, no matter what, but he moved on and I wish that my attempt to move on had worked better than it had, because this whole fugitive thing REALLY sucks.

Tom and Kate must have broken up sometime in those missing pages because the dates matched up. She obviously didn't take the break up well. Jack's heart bleed for Kate, she was hurt really badly by someone she thought she would spend the rest of her life with, and he moved on while she was left behind as a broken woman. Jack knew the feeling well.

Once again Jack found himself frowning at the date of the next entry, it was almost five months later. This one also has tear stains on it.

_September 14th 2002,_

_Just escaped rehab. I REALLY don't want to go into details right now, so I'll give you the short version:_

_-Talked to Tom and he agreed to help (out of guilt no doubt)_

_-Dug up time capsule with him that night_

_-Saw Ma and upon recognising me she screamed for help at the sight of her only surviving daughter_

_-Ran and used Tom's car for my getaway_

_-Bastard tried to be the hero and refused to get out of the car when I warned him that there was an armed guard_

_-Got scared and drove off_

_-Security guard shot at us_

_-Crashed car into another car_

_-Tom was… he didn't make it._

_-Drove all the way to San Francisco without a single stop (except for gas)_

_-Went out and got wasted for the first time in my life_

_-Tried to jump off of the Golden Gate Bridge_

_Tried_

_Only I could screw up a suicide attempt._

_The Marshal had been right on my tail the entire drive to S.F. and had caught up in time to stop me._

_I got sent to prison, but I tried again, so I was stuck with the shrinks for a while._

_The Marshal came to visit me twice, and slipped me this note the second time:_

'Kate-

When I came to visit you last time, I was ready to taunt the shit out of you, but the woman I saw before me wasn't the woman I met a year ago. And the truth is, I miss the Kate I knew several months ago, because I was starting to grow pretty fond of her spirit and attitude, though I never would have told you that before now. But the woman I saw two weeks ago was a wreck. She was broken. And the truth is; that scared me. They say that you're better, and you definitely seem better then you did when I had to crash tackle you to prevent you from throwing yourself into the harbour, but your still not the same, and maybe you never will be, but I'm going to give you another chance. Being trapped like this is obviously not helping your… condition, so when you're on garbage duty on Friday, take it to the back gate instead of the front and there should be a hole in the fence behind a bush to the right. Cliché, I know, but it should work. There's a car with all of your stuff in it parked by the playground on the South side of town on Green St. The keys are in the ignition. You have three days head start, use it well, cause this the only chance I'm going to give you.

Good luck,

-E. Mars'

How sad and pathetic is that? Even the Marshal pities me. I decided to run again because I don't have anything to lose. I know I said that before, but now I really don't have anything… at all.

Except running.

Jack's heart may have been bleeding before, but after reading that, it had shattered into a million pieces.

LOST

**A/N:** Wow that chapter took it out of me! That took me forever! Now I have to warn you guys, the last time I updated this was just before school went back, so that's why I haven't had enough time on my hands to write this, so don't expect another chapter anytime soon. In another three or four weeks the Easter holidays will be here and I'll have two weeks free to write!

In this story I've been playing with some ideas and theories that I have surrounding the show

-That Tom broke Kate's heart and made it hard for her to trust

-That the Marshall was secretly fond of Kate (like a love-hate relationship) and felt sorry for her

-That Kate had depression at one point

-And that Kate didn't always find the whole criminal thing easy

Now I'll have you all know that typing this chapter gave me RSI and as I type this now my right wrist hurts like hell!

But I'm sure that after, say, 15 reviews it should feel a bit better! ;)

**Anyway, up next, Kate's off to Australia!**


	6. The Great South Land

**I have no idea what the hell happened to the layout of the last chapter. On Microsoft Word everything was fine, but when I checked it out here I saw that there were paragraphs, words and titles that should have been either centered, bold, italic or underlined and they weren't. So if the layout's weird again, I apologise.**

**Oh, and I'm going to be doing a bit of bragging about my beautiful country in this chapter, hope you don't mind!**

**I'm also super critical of this chapter. It's probably a pointless one, but I wanted to express how different it was for Kate, but how she felt at home at the same time.**

**CHAPTER SIX:**

**The Great South Land**

_**Previously on LOST…**_

'How sad and pathetic is that? Even the Marshal pities me. I decided to run again because I don't have anything to lose. I know I said that before, but now I really don't have anything… at all.

Except running.'

Jack's heart may have been bleeding before, but after reading that, it had shattered into a million pieces.

LOST

On the next page there was another entry, it was only a few sentences:

_July 13__th__ 2004,_

_Need to leave the country. Friend got me a fake passport and a one-way ticket to Melbourne in Australia. Leaving tomorrow._

Kate had gone two years without touching her journal. She really was depressed after what had happened to Tom.

On the next page was a hand drawn map of Australia. There was a large number 1 on the south coast of a state labeled 'Victoria.' The 1 was labeled 'Melbourne,' and underneath the map Kate had written:

**MY INGENIOUS PLAN:**

**STAGE 1****: Catch a plane to Melbourne**

**STAGE 2****: …uh…**

**STAGE 3****: Give me a sec, I'm still thinking**

**STAGE 4****: Wing it**

That is my ingenious plan. 

**At times like these I shock myself with my own criminal genius.**

Jack wondered what it was about this girl that could have him teary one minute, and then have him laughing at her cynicism the next.

_June 19__th__ 2004,_

_I'm staying with this old farmer, Ray, in rural Victoria. His wife died a while back and he has two mortgages to pay off, so I accepted his offer to work for him. It took me a while to figure out what it was that I like so much about this place, and then I __realised__. This is the most 'at home' that I've felt in… almost seven years. Oh, and, he thinks my name's 'Annie.' I really hate how used I am to this whole alias thing. Someone asks me for my name and 'Kate' is the last response that comes to mind, how sad it that?_

As he read on, Jack saw how much Kate loved being in Australia. She drew landscapes that were different to anything Jack had ever seen, and it made him regret only seeing the very metropolitan city of Sydney. She'd written about helping Ray take his stock to the local shows where they were judged and won prizes and she wrote about how friendly the people in the small, Australian towns were, and how it reminded her of where she grew up.

_June 31__st__ 2004,_

_Went into town today. Australians are great, but they are so hard to understand sometimes! They use so much slang it's like we're not even speaking English anymore! And they're always so casual about everything. At the local video store, the owners all like, "Nah, it's only a day late, don't worry about the overdue fees!"_

_I think that Ray gets a little annoyed by the fact that I don't understand the slang very well. I have to say, I do feel a bit like an idiot for replying 'huh?' whenever he tells me to "Chuck on a jumper and chase off the __brumbies__." It took me a while to realise that a 'jumper' is a sweater and '__brumbies__' are wild horses._

_July 15__th__ 2004,_

_Some of the local kids tried to convince me that there is a kind of bear that lives in trees called a 'Drop Bear' and that it drops out of trees and eats the brains of people walking by. They said that the only way to protect yourself is to spray yourself with human urine before you leave the house. I played along and pretended to believe them. We all got a good laugh out of it._

_July 20__th__ 2004,_

_I have a solution to the __brumby__ problem! Rather than chasing them off, I'm going to round them up, train them up and them sell them to help Ray with his mortgages! This'll be great!_

Jack read on as the dates of the entries neared the date of the crash. She'd started drawing again and had put (if possible) even more effort into the detail than before.

The drawings of the farm, the horses, the town and the locals she'd gotten to know were exquisite as always and in the entries Kate would rave on about how much she enjoyed working for Ray and how much she loved working with horses again.

_September 19__th__ 2004,_

_I can't stay any longer. I'll be sad to leave but I've been here for three months and I just read a small excerpt of the local newspaper that claimed:_

'_27 year old Katherine __Austen__, a fugitive from America, has been traced to the state of Victoria. No description has been released as of yet, but there is a reward of $23 000 for anyone who knows her whereabouts. There will be more information released within the week.'_

_I've been so carried away with working here that I forgot that I was a fugitive… HOW DOES SOMEONE __FORGET__ THAT THEY ARE ONE OF AMERICAS MOST WANTED?! God I'm stupid! I'm going to leave tonight. I really wish that I didn't have to, I finally have something worth staying for._

_September 20__th__ 2004,_

…_Or not._

_Ray caught me leaving and offered to drive me to the train station in the morning, so I'm about to leave now. I'm not sure where I'll go. Maybe Darwin, It's at the opposite end of the country. Or Alice Springs, It's a large city in the middle if the desert. Anyway, I'll just decide when I get to the station._

"Why do I get the idea that this plan didn't work out so well?" Jack muttered under his breath.

LOST

**I dunno, what did you guys think? Pointless or not?**

**A FEW NOTES ON THIS CHAPTER:**

-You have no idea how difficult that chapter was to write! You'd think that it'd be easy considering the fact that I am Australian, but I had to write that from the point of view of an American and what's considered Australian slang to Americans is everyday speech to me!

-I based that town on the little country town where I live and yes, our video store is that relaxed!

**MANY, MANY THANKS TO:**

**Andrea**: Thank you so much for your feedback!

**X-Kate-X**: You have no idea how much your review meant to me! To be able to cheer you up, yet make you cry (sorry!) was a great response. I really wanted to write something that would bring out emotions.

**midnight-sk8r**: Oh it will be an interesting chapter!

**ScrewyLouie12**: Thank you!

**Ella Jullian**: Thanks! That chapter was the one thing that I've written that I've been completely happy with. I'm usually very critical of my own work.

**XxSophiexX**: That line just came to me one day in the middle of a class (I obviously wasn't paying any attention!) and I'm so glad that it worked!

**hersheygirl**: That's what this story is about, insight into Kate and Jack understanding why she is the way she is. And thank you so much for your review of Angel, it made me feel a lot better!

**rlmont91**: Thanks heaps!

**moonhowler14**: Thanks! When you think about it, she isn't the kind of person who could just adjust to something like that so quickly, so I tried to make it as comical as I could.

**euphoric-acid**: Hell yeah!


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